Like Melania’s speech notes, making a joke about Trump is hardly original.
So, at the start, we at Gallantry didn’t want to go there. Too easy, too obvious, a Trump joke didn’t live up to one of our ideals - it just wasn’t clever.
He lies, is racist and sexist, has views that are repugnant, is a straight-up bully, many of his supporters are deplorable, and he is morally bankrupt (if he’d show us his taxes, we could probably ditch the word ‘morally’).
He seems to have a crush on Vlad, is so bad Glenn Beck (freakin’ Glenn Beck!) doesn’t like him, and his hair is no laughing matter (seriously Jimmy Fallon, that ruffle wasn’t funny, dude).
He is the worst candidate to ever run for office, even worse than this guy.
(Seriously, Byron Looper changed his name to “Low Tax” and then stone-cold murdered his opponent, yet still managed to get five per cent of the vote.)
You heard it here first - we think Trump is loopier than Looper.
And yet, The Don is just three points back of Hillary, and a 40 per cent chance to become the next leader of the free world (we believe in the gospel of Nate Silver, but that just scares the shit out of us).
Obama was the first black President (please Barry, rewrite the law and bless us with a third term. Or, maybe get Michelle to do it?), and Trump could be the first bonafide psychopathic nutbar President.
It could happen.
So… we can’t ignore him anymore. If we want to be relevant - and we at Gallantry crave relevancy - then we must enter the discourse.
The only problem is, we don’t know if this card is a joke, or the foretelling of impending doom.
Perhaps, as the days get longer and the numbers get narrower, this joke is more prescient than funny.
Either way, we hope it earns us a billion dollars, enough for us to build a giant glass tower in a big city, on which we can adorn our names, rip-off our renters and hand over our board room to a dictator.
Introducing Gallantry’s Trump card.
Buying it is not an endorsement.